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This is crossposted from Curiousity.ca, my personal maker blog. If you want to link to this post, please use the original link since the formatting there is usually better.

I bought some mini skeins from Knitted Wit to make a hat, but then the pattern that I was sure I had didn’t seem to exist in my pattern collection, so I made it up as I went and this is the result. (I suspect in hindsight that I might have been thinking of the triangle mitts from the Knitpicks 2015 spring accessories and not a hat at all.)


Triangle hat


I’m calling this Triangle Hat, but you have to think of this song when you say it to get the full effect of what’s inside my head. Or perhaps you’d rather not.


If you prefer, there is also a printable Triangle Hat pdf, and it’s on ravelry as well.


Triangle hat


Needle size: 6

Yarn: Knitted Wit Superwash Worsted. I am utterly in love with this yarn and immediately made two more hats after this one and will likely buy more at the next available opportunity.

1 ball main colour, 3 “gobstoppers” in contrasting colours

(This gets you two hats with leftovers)

Gauge: 21 sts per 4 inches

Sizing:

This pattern was designed to fit my head, which measures just under 24 inches. If you need something larger or smaller, the pattern happens in groups of 8, and you can scale up or down to fit your needs. For example, for a 1 year old child with a head circumference of 18 inches, you’d want 6 inches less, and the closest multiple of 8 would be 32, so you should cast on 80 stitches.


Not sure how big your intended recipient’s head might be? Here’s a head size chart. I am amused to discover that I have a “large” head as I know quite a few people with heads much larger than mine!


Brim


For “one size fits most” adult hat: CO 112 in the round.

The brim is around 1 inch of ribbing. I did the k2 through the back loop to make the stitches pop a bit more.


Rows 1-13: k2 through the back loop, p2 repeat around


Pattern


trianglehat-chart


Apologies for the chart having been done in a spreadsheet program so the numbers don’t match, but start at the bottom (with the two main colour rows) and work your way up (or make your triangles upside-down relative to mine, that’s cool too).


Row 14-15: knit all stitches in main colour

First triangle section:

16: k7 in colour1, k1 in main colour repeat around

17: k1 in main colour, k5 in colour1, k2 in main colour repeat around

18: k2 in main colour, k3 in colour1, k3 in main colour repeat around

19: k3 in main colour, k1 in colour1, k4 in main colour repeat around

Second triangle section:

20: k3 in colour2, k1 in main colour, k4 in colour2 repeat around

21: k2 in colour2, k3 in main colour, k3 in colour2 repeat around

22: k1 in colour2, k5 in main colour, k2 in colour2 repeat around

23: k7 in main colour, k1 in colour2 repeat around

Third triangle section:

24-27: repeat first triangle section but using 3rd colour instead of first


Rows 28-37: Continue to knit all stitches in main colour for another 9 rows (or desired height)


Decreasing


38: k14, k2tog repeat around

39: k around

40: k13, k2tog repeat around

41: k around

42: k12, k2tog repeat around

43: k around

44: k11, k2tog repeat around

45: k around

46: k10, k2tog repeat around

47: k9, k2tog repeat around

48: k8, k2tog repeat around

49: k7, k2tog repeat around

50: k6, k2tog repeat around

51: k5, k2tog repeat around

52: k4, k2tog repeat around

53: k3, k2tog repeat around

54: k2, k2tog repeat around

55: k1, k2tog repeat around

56: k2tog repeat around.

Cut yarn and thread through remaining stitches to close the top of the hat then tie off.


Triangle hat


Triangle hat

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This is crossposted from Curiousity.ca, my personal maker blog. If you want to link to this post, please use the original link since the formatting there is usually better.

This November Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag marks one of the few times I’ve gotten the colourway as shown in the project photo!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: November 2016


There’s a lot of yarn in this one, although it doesn’t poof up quite as much as October’s mega bag it’s pretty close. Beyond the yarn, there’s a knitting ruler/needle sizer (I think this is my 3rd, but again, this is one of those tools where I don’t mind a few duplicates), some “metallic measuring temporary tattoos” that I find kind of inexplicable but pretty, the typical moisturizer sample (again, I prefer the wool wash samples but I guess it’s a nice way to learn the scents available). This month’s bag is also cute with the turkey and the advice. I’ve had to opt out of thanksgiving with J’s family this year, so I’ll be doing less eating and more knitting, personally!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: November 2016


The theme for the wool was favourite yarns, but surprisingly, I’m not sure I’ve even heard of Tahki Zara, I’ve only used Noro Kureyon once (in a YOTM sample), and I’d have to check my archives to see when I last used Brown Sheep Lamb’s Pride Worsted or Berroco Vintage or even if I have (I think I’ve sampled them both, though). So obviously they’re not my staple yarns, which kind of makes this bag more fun for me. Noro is the multicoloured sample, for those of you not familiar with the brand. The pink is the Zara and it feels super soft (merino!). The deep purple is the lamb’s pride and it’s a neat mohair blend that feels dense — I doubt it’ll be my favourite but it should be warm. The brown is the Berocco Vintage which is a soft acrylic/wool/nylon blend.


The pattern is a cute hat and wristlets pattern. I like the lacing, but I don’t think I’d use wristlets, so I’ll either put a thumbhole in there or save the rest of the yarn for something else, I think!

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This is crossposted from Curiousity.ca, my personal maker blog. If you want to link to this post, please use the original link since the formatting there is usually better.

Bit of a photo-taking spree today, mostly of things that will be gifts so I can’t share them for a while. But I also photographed two Big Beanie Bags that I haven’t started knitting yet, so here’s one of them! I’ll probably save these for travel projects, so you won’t see them knit up for a while.


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: October 2016


When this bag arrived, I was shocked at how big it was even before I opened the package. It’s got two balls worth of Rowan Pure Wool in there! That is a lot more yarn than I expect in a bag, to be honest. It’s usually $10.95 on JBW’s website, so 2 balls makes up most of the subscription price of $25, not even counting everything else. (Admittedly, that’s on the high end from what the internet tells me this yarn costs, but it’s still nice to see that


Also in this package: a “handitool” (which is awesome, since my last one is missing somewhere in the house and I like having something like this in my project bags), a packet of soak handmade (meh, I’d rather the wool wash, as I have many little moisturizers in much more convenient packaging), jeweled stitch markers (a cute, cheap addition), and a legwarmer pattern. This isn’t the 80s, but honestly, since I walk around in damp winter all the time, I’m thinking warm woolen legwarmers might actually be awesome, so I might give the pattern a try.


The total standout this month is the bag itself, though, which might be my new favourite from them. The older ones have tips on the bags, which is handy, but doesn’t make them nearly as fun for knitting in public unless you’re around other knitters. This bag is fun for everyone!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: October 2016


I have a “mystery” bag which means I don’t put any restrictions on the yarn (the other options are “neutrals” “cool” and “warm”). I got purples this month, which is really lovely. It’s the kind of colours my grandmother loves, and she has great taste.


This Rowan isn’t an ooh ahh so soft yarn, but it feels like it’ll be warm and hardwearing, so I’ll bet it’ll be perfect for the included pattern.


Overall, this subscription continues to live up to my expectations, and my only concern is that I won’t be able to keep up with my bags alongside all the other projects I want to do!

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This is crossposted from Curiousity.ca, my personal maker blog. If you want to link to this post, please use the original link since the formatting there is usually better.

I’ve been really enjoying Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bags, but I haven’t been so good about photographing my projects for both happy and sad reasons I won’t go into right now. But despite my lack of documentation, these are great! These are like the grown-up cousin to their little yarn sample bags: more yarn, projects that are more wearable (think shawls, hats, cowls) and less trinket-like (think coasters, finger puppets). What really seals it for me is that these are a perfect “fits in the purse and keeps me entertained for hours” project when I’m running off in a hurry and need something that doesn’t require planning or fancy swatches and already has yarn measured out so I’m not carrying multiple full-sized balls in my bag. I had no idea I needed grab and go kits until I had a little stash of them!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: August 2016


There’s the August kit: nice drawstring bag, glossy printed pattern, 4 balls of yarn, a packet of hand lotion (sometimes it’s wool wash, which I prefer), and a little notions box. The notion changes every month, and sometimes the yarn isn’t 4 balls, but it’s similar most months.


I like the little notions box, although I haven’t quite figured out what to put in all its little teensy compartments, and I should have taken a picture with it open for you to see them all!


If you’re curious, here’s the Jimmy Beans (small) beanie bag and the Yarn of the Month bag for August 2016, since this was an overlap month before I decided to drop the smaller subscriptions.


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: August 2016


August’s yarn came from Koigu, a brand I’d heard of but didn’t realize they were from Ontario. So I learned something new! The yarn very easy to knit with, maybe a bit less fuzzy/haloed than I like for my shawls, but that makes it easier to wear when it’s not really *that* cold in the office.


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: August 2016


The pattern for August is Neapolitan Scarflette by Rachel Roden. I think she’s RachelUnraveled on Ravelry, but this design doesn’t seem to be up so it might be someone else. This is a pattern that is simple to knit but annoying to count, since there’s a lot of sections that are almost but not quite the same. I assume a lot of this was just in trying to make good use of the 4 same-sized balls of yarn, but it did have me thinking a lot about how to optimize pattern writing to make the changed sections easier to notice. I suspect my next more complicated patterns are going to have a lot of colours or something as a result of this. Or possibly just be more simplified in memory of all the times I’ve cruised past the directions because I’m in a rhythm.


One thing I really liked about this pattern was the fact that it calls out a useful skill to learn: knitting the ends in as you go. Definitely this shawl encourages you to learn that one with all the colour changes! Knitting in ends as I go is not something I did all the time before and I think I’ll find myself doing it automatically now after all that practice, so I’m pretty pleased that they put that in. I’m leveling up in fibercraft in leaps and bounds lately!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: August 2016


Here it is all balled up more like I’d wear it as a scarf, and you can see that there’s still some yarn leftover! I love the colours, so hopefully I’ll find a nice time to use these in a spot of colourwork. Doing colourwork remains one of the reasons I was willing to get so many small balls of yarn after all!


Jimmy Beans Big Beanie Bag: August 2016


Overall I was very pleased with this kit. I actually started my subscription up again right after the initial 3 months finished because I heard they had a few of these left and I could get one, and I’m pretty pleased that I did.

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This is crossposted from Curiousity.ca, my personal maker blog. If you want to link to this post, please use the original link since the formatting there is usually better.

I gave one talk and ran one tutorial at Open Source Bridge 2016 back in June. For those of you not familiar with it, Open Source Bridge is an open source conference with a focus on “open source citizenship” that leads to a great combination of technical and social thought from people who are part of the open source community. My favourite part is actually the super chill hacker lounge, where it’s quiet enough to actually talk, and it’s totally cool to meet new friends around the lego table or bring my knitting. I don’t mind a few alcoholic conference mixers, but I have to say I meet and remember way more people at open source bridge than many other conferences.


Talk I gave this year, entitled “Taking No For an Answer,” isn’t entirely open source specific, since it’s really about a bad community behaviour you see in many other communities, but the focus and my examples come from my work in open source. I can’t seem to find the audio recording they made, so this is reconstructed from my slide notes. You can find the whole slide deck here: Taking No For An Answer (Open Source Bridge 2016) slides.


Taking No for an Answer: a talk by Terri Oda at Open Source Bridge 2016

[Title Slide] Taking No for an Answer: a talk by Terri Oda at Open Source Bridge 2016


Open source (like many fields) rewards people who are confident and even a bit pushy. Those of us who go furthest are often those who offered to fix bugs and followed through, who were ready to argue about their architectural ideas on a mailing list or irc channel. In many ways, open source is do-ocracy, where those with the time and the confidence to do things become leaders. In volunteer led communities, it can often be the case that the quality or merit of the work isn’t the big focus: it’s whether it’s getting done by anyone at all.


[Slide 1] This slide shows a collage of book covers and articles related to confidence: "How to overcome impostor syndrome" "Women don't ask" "Lean in" "Closing the confidence gap" "The impostor syndrome"

[Slide 1] This slide shows a collage of book covers and articles related to confidence: “How to overcome impostor syndrome” “Women don’t ask” “Lean in” “Closing the confidence gap” “The impostor syndrome”


So because of this, In the tech world, there’s been a lot of focus on getting people to step forwards, negotiate, lean in, DO. This can be super valuable — sometimes people do need a reminder, need some tips, need an invitation to speak, need to evaluate their internal censor and not let it stop them. There’s a reason my google image search pulled up a bunch of stuff aimed at women: there’s been a lot of push to encourage folk who are under-represented or socialized not to step forwards.


[Slide 2] Slide shows the phrase "But what about the men?" in a bold, playful font

[Slide 2] Slide shows the phrase “But what about the men?” in a bold, playful font


So clearly, as in all discussions about women and minorities, it’s time to consider what about the men? (room laughs)


[Slide 3] reads "What about self-improvement for leaders?" and shows Superman and The Hulk action figures, apparently in the middle of an argument

[Slide 3] reads “What about self-improvement for leaders?” and shows Superman and The Hulk action figures, apparently in the middle of an argument


Okay, just kidding. But surely self-improvement isn’t just for folk who haven’t stepped up yet. What about self-improvement for people who are already leaders in our communities? What about training confident people to be better? So this talk is aimed not at our most vulnerable but at some of our more powerful, as well as those who want to become more powerful and effective community members.


[Slide 4] reads "So let's talk about NO" and has a picture of a sign with a person holding up a hand to indicate no.

[Slide 4] reads “So let’s talk about NO” and has a picture of a sign with a person holding up a hand to indicate no.


So, it looks like I have a great audience of existing and future community leaders. Let’s talk about no.


[Slide 5] reads "No is a powerful tool" and has a picture of a circular saw

[Slide 5] reads “No is a powerful tool” and has a picture of a circular saw


No is a powerful tool with many uses. In my professional life, I do open source security, and a lot of my job involves saying no: No, this code isn’t right. No, you can’t skip validation. In my volunteer life, one of the things I do is coordinate a large summer mentoring program for the python software foundation. No, you can’t have more students than you have mentors. No, you can’t sign up even though it’s past the deadline. And as a minority in tech, I say a lot of no. No, I’m not available to help you with more diverse hiring. No, I don’t have time to educate you on issues facing minorities in tech. No helps me do my job, manage my time, make my volunteer program better, and so much more.


[Slide 6] reads "Now, I'm a NO professional... But lots of folk are not." there is no image on this slide, only stark text.

[Slide 6] reads “Now, I’m a NO professional… But lots of folk are not.” there is no image on this slide, only stark text.


I get paid to say no: it’s a huge part of my job, and I’ve learned a lot about when to say no, how to say no, techniques to make it easier for people to accept no, when I need backup on saying no, etc. But while I’m a professional naysayer, that’s not true of a lot of other folk in our communities.


[Slide 7] reads "Saying no can be exhausting" with emphasis on the word exhausting.  There is a picture of a tired looking kitty on the slide.

[Slide 7] reads “Saying no can be exhausting” with emphasis on the word exhausting. There is a picture of a tired looking kitty on the slide.


And frankly, saying no can get pretty exhausting. It’s not at all helped by all those “but you should put yourself forwards!” self-help books, let me tell you. I had some dude give me a unsolicited pep talk at work about imposter syndrome and seriously, some people need to learn the difference between a lack of confidence and a knowledgable evaluation of personal skill. No is hard, especially if you’ve been socialized to be agreeable, and some people take advantage of that.. There’s a whole talk to be had about how to say no effectively, and maybe some day I’ll give it, but I feel like the people who might need some help saying no are mostly the same people who needed help saying yes, and I want to talk to the other people. The people who make saying no so exhausting, whether they mean to or not.


[Slide 8] reads "That's not really a security bug" and has a picture of a box that has a label that says "enjoy denial" in the style of a coke advertisement, and a "hello my name is denial" sticker in the style of a name sticker

[Slide 8] has a title of “1. denial” and a quote that reads “That’s not really a security bug” and has a picture of a box that has a label that says “enjoy denial” in the style of a coke advertisement, and a “hello my name is denial” sticker in the style of a name sticker


Let’s talk about some common anti-patterns you get when you say no. The first one is denial. I hear this a lot in my professional life: That’s not really a security bug. That’s not exploitable. No one would ever do that.


[Slide 2] has a title that reads "2. Anger" and a quote that says "Failing this will destroy my future career!" over a picture of a young man making weird face that could be interpreted as anger

[Slide 2] has a title that reads “2. Anger” and a quote that says “Failing this will destroy my future career!” over a picture of a young man making weird face that could be interpreted as anger


The second reaction to no is anger. I hit this one a lot when teaching and mentoring: students sometimes have been effortlessly at the top of their class and don’t know how to handle having to work for results. Or they just have no way to handle failure and dust themselves off to try again. So they yell at me. They yell at people who they think have power over me. They blame anyone but themselves for the fact that I’m telling them something they don’t want to hear, and let me tell you they *really* don’t want to hear that I’m not destroying their life, their poor performance is destroying their life. And I wish I could say it’s just students, but try telling a project that they’re going to miss their shipping deadline due to a late breaking security issue or their failure to do due diligence. This is totally an understandable response, but it’s not a productive response.


[Slide 10] has a title of "3. Bargaining" and a quote that says "can't you just do this one thing?" and a picture of an advertisement with a cartoon farmer saying "you'd be crazy to miss this bargains"

[Slide 10] has a title of “3. Bargaining” and a quote that says “can’t you just do this one thing?” and a picture of an advertisement with a cartoon farmer saying “you’d be crazy to miss this bargains”


Next is bargaining. The worst experience I have ever had saying no was to someone who exhibited both the denial and bargaining anti-patterns. She wanted me to run a program that I’d run in previous years, which is a totally reasonable thing to ask, but when I said I wasn’t available because of a more impactful commitment, she would repeatedly come to me with things and it was always “couldn’t you just” — “couldn’t you just look over the wiki?” “couldn’t you just help with this one part of the project” “couldn’t you just help this one person get set up” “couldn’t you just answer this question.” It was exhausting and awful, because I absolutely did not have the time to do these things, and I’d actually made it clear that I didn’t even have time to keep telling her no. And yet, the questions still came.


But bargaining can also be a useful and productive pattern. In my professional life, when I say no, it’s pretty normal to negotiate a solution together with the dev team. Even in that dreadful volunteer experience, my final out came by begging a friend to work with her — negotiating it so that there was a buffer of no between me and her so she had a resource willing to help her and I had the ability to do the other thing I had committed to do.


[Slide 11] has a title of "4. Depression" and a quote that reads "Well, if you can't help me, then this program will die" and a picture of a young woman sitting at a picnic table with her face in her hands

[Slide 11] has a title of “4. Depression” and a quote that reads “Well, if you can’t help me, then this program will die” and a picture of a young woman sitting at a picnic table with her face in her hands


And then there’s depression, which honestly can be both emotional manipulation as well true dismay.


[Slide 12] has a title of "5. Acceptance" and contains an artistic photo of a cheerful looking T Rex toy

[Slide 12] has a title of “5. Acceptance” and contains an artistic photo of a cheerful looking T Rex toy


And finally, of course, acceptance. If you haven’t already recognized them, as well as the 5 stages of no, that was also the 5 stages of grieving. It’s sort of disturbing how much they line up. But why do we need to think about no anti-patterns?


[Slide 13] reads "So few experts, so many asks" and contains no picture

[Slide 13] reads “So few experts, so many asks” and contains no picture


And the answer is that these anti-patterns harm our communities. In a situation where you have very few experts and many people asking, anti-patterns surrounding no contribute to communities denial-of-servicing our few experts. This happens to me as a security expert sometimes: I’ve had weeks where I wind up arguing with people about lousy decisions endlessly, so much so that I then don’t have enough time to do advanced secure code review, or help other groups triage security issues well. It happens to me a lot more than I would like.

[Silde 14] has a title "Causes of burnout" and then a copy of a slide by Cate Huston that has a picture of an owl and reads 1. lack of control 2. insufficient reward 3. lack of community 4. absence of fairness 5. conflict in values 6. work overload"

[Silde 14] has a title “Causes of burnout” and then a copy of a slide by Cate Huston that has a picture of an owl and reads 1. lack of control 2. insufficient reward 3. lack of community 4. absence of fairness 5. conflict in values 6. work overload”


My friend Cate has been giving a great talk on burnout and I just wanted to share this slide, which talks about the fact that burnout isn’t just caused by high workload. No is a great tool for avoiding high workload, but it’s also a great tool for avoiding being put in situations where you’ll be hit by the other 5 things on this list. That’s one of the reasons that it’s absolutely essential that leaders need to learn to take no for an answer so that their communities can actually be *healthy* and not burnout factories.


[Side 15] has a picture of a ballerina in a practice outfit holding a pose that requires strength and below the words "How do I accept a no with strength and grace?"

[Side 15] has a picture of a ballerina in a practice outfit holding a pose that requires strength and below the words “How do I accept a no with strength and grace?”


So how can I learn to accept no with strength and grace?


[Slide 16] has only large text that reads "Step 1: Accept"

[Slide 16] has only large text that reads “Step 1: Accept”


The first step to accepting gracefully is to actually accept that no was in fact the answer given. If you catch yourself doing any of the anti-pattern things, you aren’t really doing a good job at this. Consider the lady who wouldn’t take no for an answer and kept asking me “couldn’t you just…” — if she’d been able to accept the no, we could have had time to help her find a better solution. But instead, the whole experience left me frustrated, exhausted, and telling my friends cautionary tales about the experience. This was a bad outcome for both of us, and for the people she wanted to help.


[Slide 17] has only large text that reads "Step 2: Listen:

[Slide 17] has only large text that reads “Step 2: Listen:


The second step is to listen. If you’re convinced this was the right choice, take time to find out why the answer was no. Be prepared to have that answer challenge your assumptions. One of the things I do at work sometimes is review open source libraries to see if they have good enough security hygiene for inclusion in our products, and I get a lot of push back when I tell people they need to choose a better library. They’ve made assumptions that don’t match up with my metrics, and the only way for them to learn to make better choices and thus get products to market faster is to learn what assumptions are leading them to poor decisions.


[Slide 18] has only large text that reads "Step 3: Plan"

[Slide 18] has only large text that reads “Step 3: Plan”


The last step is to form a new plan. You might be able to do this with the help of the person who said no, but you shouldn’t assume that — No means no, folk. If you want to be a great leader, you need to take responsibility for finding a new plan if you want the thing to be done.


[Slide 19] reads "But I don't want to get a no" with emphasis on the words "don't want"

[Slide 19] reads “But I don’t want to get a no” with emphasis on the words “don’t want”


But I don’t want to get a no.


[Slide 20] reads "But I can't afford to get a no" with emphasis on the words "can't afford"

[Slide 20] reads “But I can’t afford to get a no” with emphasis on the words “can’t afford”


But I can’t afford to get a no.


[Slide 21] says "How do I turn no into a yes?" with no emphasized in red to evoke a "stop" and yes emphasized in green to evoke a "go"

[Slide 21] says “How do I turn no into a yes?” with no emphasized in red to evoke a “stop” and yes emphasized in green to evoke a “go”


How do I turn no into a yes?


[Slide 22] reads "If you want to turn no into yes, first consider: Am I being an asshole?" The phrase "Am I being an asshole?" is emphasized.

[Slide 22] reads “If you want to turn no into yes, first consider: Am I being an asshole?” The phrase “Am I being an asshole?” is emphasized.


If you want to turn a no into yes, first consider: Am I being an asshole? (audience at OSB laughs, pulls out smart phones to take pictures of the slide). This is a legit thing you should ask yourself pretty regularly as a community leader, actually. For example, sometimes you’ll be asking for things to be done in a way that makes them easier for you at the cost of others. Sometimes you’re just demanding that things be done the first way you thought of when that’s not the important part of the request.


[Slide 23] reads "If you want to turn no into yes, first consider: What do I really need?" The phrase "What do I really need?" is emphasized.

[Slide 23] reads “If you want to turn no into yes, first consider: What do I really need?” The phrase “What do I really need?” is emphasized.


But perhaps more usefully, ask yourself what you really need. The answer is almost certainly not “I need to irritate my valuable volunteers” but what is the answer?


[Slide 24] has an image of a hand raised as if to ask a question and reads "How do I improve my ask?"

[Slide 24] has an image of a hand raised as if to ask a question and reads “How do I improve my ask?”


So, if you’re getting a no and you want a yes, clearly you are doing something wrong in the way you ask. How can you improve your ask to get better results for your community even if you have to get a no sometimes?


[Slide 25] has a picture of a woman looking into a microscope in a scientific lab and reads "Step 1: do your research"

[Slide 25] has a picture of a woman looking into a microscope in a scientific lab and reads “Step 1: do your research”


Step 1: do your research.


[Slide 26] repeats the title from the previous slide "Step 1: do your research" and follows it with a list of questions: What do you really need? Who else can you ask? Where else can you get more information? How long will what you’re asking for actually take?  How stressful is it?

[Slide 26] repeats the title from the previous slide “Step 1: do your research” and follows it with a list of questions: What do you really need?
Who else can you ask?
Where else can you get more information?
How long will what you’re asking for actually take?
How stressful is it?



  • What do you really need?

  • Who else can you ask?

  • Where else can you get more information?

  • How long will what you’re asking for actually take?

  • How stressful is it?


[Slide 27] has a picture of two kids sharing and reads "Step 2: use your empathy"

[Slide 27] has a picture of two kids sharing and reads “Step 2: use your empathy”


Step 2: Use your empathy


[Slide 28] repeats the title from the previous slide "Step 2: use your empathy" and asks a range of questions (will appear in text below this caption) The emphasis is on the final sentence, which reads "Empathy is not about what you want, but what they want."

[Slide 28] repeats the title from the previous slide “Step 2: use your empathy” and asks a range of questions (will appear in text below this caption) The emphasis is on the final sentence, which reads “Empathy is not about what you want, but what they want.”



  • How can you make saying yes more beneficial to the person you’re asking?


    • Can you pay them?

    • Can you provide other rewards?

    • Can you make it align better with their career or life goals?

    • Can you make sure they get more thanks, recognition?


  • How can you make it easier for them to say yes?


    • Do they need childcare?

    • Do they need a better schedule?

    • Does the task need to be better-defined?

    • Could they help with something smaller?


  • Should you just leave them alone if they say no?

  • Empathy is not about what you want, but what they want.


If you don’t know how to empathize, you’re going to end up with asks that are utterly unappealing or outright insulting to the people whose help you want.


[Slide 29] has a picture of a snowy scene with my mom and her dog Buster and reads, "I'm Canadian.  People die of exposure"

[Slide 29] has a picture of a snowy scene with my mom and her dog Buster and reads, “I’m Canadian. People die of exposure”


And in a striking example of that, one thing I and many others often get offered for my time is “exposure” — I’m from Canada. My people DIE of exposure. But jokes aside, exposure is often a double-edged sword for people in your community, and you need your empathy and knowledge of your community of volunteers to know when that’s something they might want and when it’s something they want to avoid at all costs.


[Slide 31] has a title of "Step 3: make a backup plan (or several)" and a Foxtrot comic about the need to make computer backups *before* doing something on the computer

[Slide 31] has a title of “Step 3: make a backup plan (or several)” and a Foxtrot comic about the need to make computer backups *before* doing something on the computer


Make a backup plan (hopefully this will be easier with the research!) If getting a yes is really important to you, you should try to do all of these things in advance.


[Slide 32] is a summary slide described in detail below.

[Slide 32] is a summary slide described in detail below.


Refusing to take no for an answer is damaging behaviour: it contributes to burnout, denial of service, assholism.


Steps to graceful acceptance of no:



  1. Accept

  2. Listen

  3. Plan


If you really need a yes



  1. Do your research

  2. Use your empathy

  3. Make a backup plan


And do all of this before you ask if you want the best results and the happiest community. If you’re asking for something, the onus is upon you to figure out who might want to do this and find a way to make them feel great about saying yes.


Learning to accept no well and productively will make you a more effective leader.


nopetopus

Nopetopus source


Photo credits:

“Superman vs Hulk (131/365)” by JD Hancock https://www.flickr.com/photos/jdhancock/4600608792

“Talk to the hand” by Bridget McKenzie https://www.flickr.com/photos/bridgetmckenz/7822818160/

“Power tool” by Helen Cook https://www.flickr.com/photos/hvc/2681974174/

“Sleepy” by Sera Photography https://www.flickr.com/photos/seraphing/15305580251/

“Denial pack” by andres musta https://www.flickr.com/photos/andresmusta/6175939561/

“Anger” by kunkelstein https://www.flickr.com/photos/21370407@N08/2091127037

“You’d be crazy to miss these bargains” by Christian Heilmann https://www.flickr.com/photos/codepo8/1309725237

“Acceptance” by Kitty Mao https://www.flickr.com/photos/kwseah/21683299393

“Beautiful Ballerina” by Grace Trivino https://www.flickr.com/photos/graceyheartphotography/4741052547

“Raised hand” by usdagov https://www.flickr.com/photos/usdagov/22484527807/

“Sharing” by Binny V A https://www.flickr.com/photos/binnyva/8600465534

“Out for a walk in the woods” by Terriko https://www.flickr.com/photos/terrio/8304718546/

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