Me as a Disney Princess & Why I'm Wearing Shoes Today

[terriko]

I'm not sure if I should thank or curse shadowspar for introducing me to this character generator, but while I shouldn't have been doing it at work, I admit it *was* fun to re-imagine myself as a Disney Princess.



It'd probably be more fun to mess with the clothes to get something much more fanciful, but I decided I'd start with trying to replicate things I actually wear, which is why my virtual self is wearing red shoes that don't quite match the outfit but darned if they aren't comfy.

Those red shoes (which are actually mary janes) are what I'm wearing today, which brings me to my weird moment in shoes and clothing this morning. I'm wearing a bright red dress (it's the comfiest thing I own) and a bright red hat ('cause why not go all out?) which most logically would have gone best with sandals. But since I sprained my ankle, I've found my sandals a little too wobbly. They're quite flat, but the cushy padded sole combined with a slightly loose strap is just enough that I find them harder to walk in on the rough sidewalks around my house. I debated it long and hard this morning: they look better, and I'm strong enough that making my ankle work a bit harder is probably not dangerous so much as it is useful exercise.

... But then I thought about it, and realized in my bright red dress, I was potentially a target for harassment, and the sandals would make it harder for me to run away or fight if that were necessary.

So yeah, I'm wearing shoes. And I kind of hate the universe. I get just enough whistles and strange men trying to talk to me here that I apparently can't leave the house looking pretty while I'm on my own without planning a defensive strategy.

I've always prepared to keep myself safe when leaving the house, be it reflective wear for biking or making sure my bag doesn't impede my movement. But I'm noticing here that I worry a lot more about clothing than I ever have before: I dress down, sometimes changing clothes, before I go to the library or go shopping, because I don't want to look richer than the average (and believe me, I don't have a particularly expensive wardrobe, but it's nicer than average the minute I leave campus). Street harassment is so much more common that I've taken to wearing headphones more often, even if they're not plugged in, just so that when random dudes go beyond whistling and try to talk to me I'll have a plausible reason to completely ignore them and they'll give up faster.

I wouldn't have given the dress a second thought in Ottawa.

But a man broke into my house when I was wearing this dress here because he could see me through the window, playing video games.

I'm not aiming to spend my whole life afraid, but I'm not going to take foolish risks either. I'm still wearing my favourite dress, but I'm wearing shoes, and I'm prepared to run if I have to.

So if you're ever wondering why I'm so firm about not staying in Albuquerque (or even the US) once this contract is done, this is a reason.

Comments

[robbat2]

But a man broke into my house when I was wearing this dress here

Wait, what? That's NOT cool. After living in South Africa, I'd considered the US to be safer than that, that's really not cool.

*hugs*

[annalee]

:(. I'm sorry someone broke into your house while you were there. That must have been terrifying.

I know what you mean about choosing shoes. I've traversed that decision tree many times myself, and... yeah. It's ugly all around.

Not Cool

[clahey.livejournal.com]

This is amazingly not cool. I haven't heard about any such behavior around here, so it may be a regional thing, but it's amazingly not cool in any case.

[terriko]

Nothing new, this is the breakin from November, but I never bothered to mention specifically what I was wearing at the time 'cause (a) it shouldn't matter and (b) I was a little preoccupied to think about it 'till much later anyhow.

[terriko]

Less so than you might think, since he seemed weakened from drug use and I just kept him talking 'till I got to my phone and called 911. But it is definitely freaky that I now constantly think about how easy it is to get in. It's frustrating to not be able to leave the windows open at night knowing that some dude pulled the screen off and climbed into the window once before.

Re: Not Cool

[terriko]

Well, the home invasion thing was pretty weird (even for here), but the random street harassment is exceedingly common worldwide. http://www.ihollaback.org catalogs some stories if you've honestly never heard any. I mostly get whistled at and variants on "hey baby" but sometimes the guys slow down and follow me in their trucks/cars/whatever while I pretend not to notice/not to speak english or spanish. Dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans, there's around a 50% chance it'll happen on my way to the library (higher if I wear a skirt), and while my racial chameleon self is amused by the idea that I can pass for a hot latina, drive-by yells aren't really flattering or appealing, and in the context that most of these people could hurt me, it's outright disturbing.

It happens in Ottawa too, but it's relatively rare that it goes past the annoying mark and into the scary. Usually if someone slows down to talk to you in Ottawa it's a nice lost tourist couple who need directions.

Re: Not Cool

[clahey.livejournal.com]

Reading some of the stories on there in Boston I'm reminded of times when a beggar wouldn't leave me alone and I can totally recognize how their attention would be different and how my safety would be different if I were a woman.

Re: Not Cool

[(Anonymous)]

Well, it's not just being female and wearing a red dress. Peter, Lex and Autumn were in their jammies and asleep when some guy climbed in their 3rd floor balcony in Manchester, helped himself to their electronics and woke them up as he mistakenly wandered into their bedroom looking for the door out. Peter yelled at him to get the hell out or the equivalent and the guy went back the way he cam in. Pretty upsetting when you have a tiny baby but I think he would have been no match for Peter and Lex if it had come to that - which it didn't. It sounded as if he may have been more scared than they were. He did drop a few things on his scramble down the balcony. But as you say - who wants to live somewhere where you have to remember to lock a third floor balcony door on a nice night?

Re: Not Cool

[(Anonymous)]

From diane, not anonymous

Re: Not Cool

[terriko]

Yeah, it's definitely not just gender/clothing in general, but it most definitley was in my case, as the guy could easily have stolen stuff but instead he came directly to bother me. The police seemed to treat it as attempted sexual assault since it was so clear that robbery was not the intent.

Sorry to hear about their breakin, though -- that sounds awful, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to lock a 3rd floor balcony door on a nice night either! I'm not sure I even *had* a lock on my balcony door last time I lived in an apartment building.

[jrosen]

I missed this when you posted it. The world is fucked up, and I keep forgetting. :/ I hope you get to move somewhere safer as soon as your contract is up.

[terriko]

Yeah, I'm planning to move somewhere safer when this is up. Frankly, I'm expecting to move back to Canada, and all the major cities I've been in Canada have been safer in the downtown-ish area than here. It's a pity, though, 'cause Albuquerque has a lot going for it: beautiful desert nights, no mosquitoes, cheap housing, friendly people, amazing skies... Not to mention the awesomeness that is my job. I feel like a spoiled little rich girl saying it's not for me, but I guess I'm just used to a level of affluence that isn't found here unless you're willing to commit to car culture and just drive everywhere. :/