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This is the second makeup box I received. I'm a little behind as I'm actually already on box 3, but sometimes it's more fun to live your life than document it, eh?

Anyhow, October's box:

Birchbox October Box

I really wish Birchbox had a "box history" link of sorts in my profile page, as that's where I look for it first before I finally remember that history is hidden where I would have expected to go to order another box. Oh well; I don't quite care enough to write a script to add one myself, but hopefully the process of writing this comment will help me remember for next time.

Product #1: 12 Benefits™ Instant Healthy Hair Treatment - 6 oz

This is supposed to be some sort of magical hair treatment that protects you from styling and swimming and life. As I don't torture my hair and haven't had an excuse to go swimming since the box arrived in October, I can't really tell you how it works on that front. However, it *also* claims to be a detangler, which I could test.

Unfortunately, it is awful as a detangler. It's messy and sprays on a bit too thick so you have to rub it all in yourself. At this point, the spray is basically just an extra step that makes it harder for me to control how much product goes in my hair. Even worked in, though, it's a mediocre detangler. I have, in fact, gotten better results from taking a dab of hotel conditioner and working it into the ends of my hair as if it were a leave-in conditioner.

So... as far as I can tell, this product is basically a waste of my time right now. I'll keep it around to see if it helps with swimming, maybe in the summer when my hair is taking more serious abuse, but it's definitely not useful right now. Which makes me wonder if perhaps this was not a great thing to put in October's box if they really wanted this product to shine. Oh well.

End verdict: Will save to try again later for the main intended use.

Product #2: DDF® Wrinkle Resist Plus Pore Minimizer Moisturizing Serum

DDF moisturizing serum

Frankly, every time I look at this product, I'm reminded of that scene in Cloud Atlas that is pretty much all "soylent green is people." So yeah, while this is a totally visually striking product package, it also creeps me out because I feel like it's a product made up of ground up people in some sci-fi world. It does not help that every pump of the product comes out as flesh-coloured slime.

My mental damage aside, the product itself is kind of weird. It's kind of like spreading silicone lube on your face, or at least what I imagine it might be like if I felt a need to use bike grease as a cosmetic. Perhaps all moisturizing serums are like this?

It's meant to be applied as the first layer in your cosmetics, and it behaves kind of like you might expect magical face lube to behave in such a situation: it makes it easier to blend things on your face. That's actually kind of awesome, and it seems keep makeup from clumping quite so much if you have acne or a scab or something on your face.

Interestingly, it seems like there's less colour on my face at the end of the day when I use magical face lube. I've been using a white-coloured wipe to remove makeup, so what I'm saying here is that the stains are less dark. I'm not sure if this results in more coming off on my hands during the day, or whether it's just diluting the tinted moisturizer I use such that it leaves less dark stains on the cloth. I can't really tell the difference visually on my face from day to day, though. I'm too lazy to check my makeup and take selfies multiple times a day to check if the progressing is different, but I guess I could try that if I really want to know exactly what's going on here.

End verdict: Despite my initial impressions, I actually like the product. Unfortunately, it's expensive and the appearance weirds me out. I might try to buy something similar when I run out, but it's a huge sample and I may get another product to try before I need to make a decision on replacing this.

Product #3: theBalm® cosmetics Stainiac

Stainiac lip tint

This is labelled as a "hint of tint" and it really is. I found it utterly underwhelming on my cheeks (which are already quite pink) but fun on my lips. It's very subtle, though:



My boyfriend claims he can tell the difference, but I'm never sure if he's buying into the horrible delusion that one must lie to one's significant other about such things lest she fly into a rage. Or possibly just deluding himself, since it's not like I did a double blind test with him or anything. ;)

You can tell I'm not a "real" beauty blogger 'cause I'm wearing no other makeup in those photos and not expecting you all to tell me how brave I am to show my face to the world. (This is one of many reasons I can't stand reading most beauty blogs.) Anyhow, my laziness for photos does let you see that my cheeks are naturally "hint of pink" though.

Incidentally, this is a lot more fuchsia/day glo hot pink than red when it comes out of the tube. I find this amusing, but it did make me nervous that it would be a lot more than a "hint" of colour.


Robyn from Brightest Bulb says, "Unfortunately, when I use it on my lips, I can find zero qualities that distinguishes this product from a tube of jello." And I agree, but I consider this a benefit because it makes me feel like I'm a kid.

Actually, it led me to mentally design an entire marketing campaign around my new cosmetic idea: the popsicle lip spa treatment.

Sit back and relax with our rejuvenating lip treatment. It's filled with natural fruit extracts, and is guaranteed to hydrate you as well as provide a little energy boost. This lip stain lasts for hours, and helps curb food cravings!

Yeah, I'm not quitting my day job. But I do want one of those fruity popsicles from our freezer now.

End Verdict: I like this product a lot. It's fun and nearly un-noticeable, so I'm not going to get any flack from my engineer colleagues who might be put off if I was wearing heavy lipstick. I do wish it was sold in the little sample sizes because it's perfect to have in my pocket at work, so I may keep an eye out to see if they do some sort of smaller holiday pack. I may also experiment with stronger tints to see if I can get a work-appropriate look that amuses me without making me too "girly" for my office.

Product #4: Karuna Clarifying Treatment Mask

I hated this product:

- it's very goopy so it's a huge mess to put on
- it actually hurt to use

It's weird, because I don't really think of myself as having sensitive skin, but applying this caused serious pain across my cheekbones and upper lip. I almost didn't leave it on for the full recommended time and just pitched the whole thing, but I wanted to know what it was like and figured I could tough it out. It didn't get better.

On the bright side, it didn't cause any breakouts or leave horrible red burn welts across my face (which I was actually concerned about given the amount of pain), and it did leave my skin feeling smooth and soft after. But yeah, I'll stick to moisturizer for that, thanks. Even magical face lube has the same effect with less awful.

I took a picture of me wearing the mask mostly to distract me from the act of actually wearing it, but my poor little mac is still copying pictures off the camera and I'm hesitant to leave so much open in a browser window without saving it. The mask looked like creepy whiteface anyhow, though, so maybe the review is better off without it.

End verdict: OW. NEVER AGAIN.

Bonus Product: ChapStick® Hydration Lock

According to the insert, this is an "extra" product and not part of my samples. I guess the insert is to prevent people from being underwhelmed by getting Chapstick, which is hardly glamourous. It works as expected and has a sort of vanilla-creme thing going that makes me think of the 90s.

What's interesting is that they included it to use as a lipstick primer. This whole concept of makeup primers is a new one to me, so I was interested to see that Robyn from birchbox thought this worked pretty well. (I'd have tested it myself but I do not actually own lipstick, just two tinted lip balms which I can't find right now, which probably tells you why I thought a beauty box subscription would be a good idea.)

I don't love the scent, but I'll enjoy experimenting with it as a primer, so I count it a win. Plus, they gave me a coupon for more chapstick, which if I don't use I'm sure my boyfriend will, as he goes through as much of it as I do.

End Verdict: It's chapstick. I am pleased to know I can use it as a lip primer, though.

In summary: I tried some new things and didn't hate all of them! Seriously, though, I like the lip products a lot, the magical face lube is a surprisingly effective product that I would never have tried on my own, the hair protector might be useful in the future even though it's an awful detangler, and I never have to use one of those awful face masks again. Win!


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