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terrikoMy sister and I are currently working on our costumes for PAX 2009. I'm really looking forwards to going again this year because I had so much fun last year.
But PAX is the first fan event I've ever attended where I can say I unilaterally had fun. It's the first event where I've immediately said, "hey, I should bring my sister!" It's the first fan event where I've felt comfortable enough to dress up. I'll dress up in places where I feel safe (the university, the NAC) but I've never felt safe enough to do it at a con.
I don't even attend cons anymore. I used to go out to local events, and frankly, I was stared at, hassled, and generally made to feel uncomfortable. (Don't get me started on creepy otaku, the reason I don't use my middle name in public any more.) I think I even snuck out of one or two events, trying to keep someone from seeing me leave so they wouldn't follow me home. Think that's just me? Read the geekfeminism post on worst con experiences or take a look through other people's bad con experiences and you'll realise I've gotten off light. The local 501st joke about how many times someone grabs their butts when they're out doing their thing... they think it's funny, but most of them are wearing body armour, so it's hard to be really offended. Small wonder I wasn't jumping at the opportunity to put on a metal bikini and join them.
And let's just say that stories like "EA puts sexual bounty on the heads of its own booth babes" haven't inspired confidence that things are changing.
But I was trying to be positive here. So let's talk about PAX.
PAX is the Penny Arcade Expo. Now, I admit I'm not a huge fan of Penny Arcade, but some friends convinced me to go (with the aid of a time-travelling robot, but that's a longer story). So I did.
You most definitely don't have to be a Penny Arcade fan to enjoy PAX. It's a huge gaming convention -- tabletop rpgs, computer games, board games, card games, video games, rock paper scissors in the hallway... if you like playing games at all, you'd find something to enjoy here.
But that's not what surprised me. What surprised me is that PAX feels like a huge community of people who you'd actually like to have as friends. There were people about exchanging cookies for donations to child's play. People brought their families. You could turn to any stranger next to you in line and say, "Hey, want to play a game?" and you'd quickly find something to try out, and possibly a new friend. People didn't get that cranky in lines, because they found ways to have fun. There were so many women about that I never felt out of place. On the second day, I even dressed up in a low-cut tank top and skirt I usually wear for dancing, just to see what happened, and nothing did. I felt as safe and comfy as if I were hanging out with my local friends, even though I was on a show floor with thousands of other people. If someone had told me this before I went, I would have said they were crazy, that they just weren't noticing the bad stuff, but the fact is, I wasn't noticing it either. And I'm pretty attuned after years of bad experiences.
At PAX, I didn't even have to think about being a girl. I was just a gamer, a geek. And that was more than enough.
But PAX is the first fan event I've ever attended where I can say I unilaterally had fun. It's the first event where I've immediately said, "hey, I should bring my sister!" It's the first fan event where I've felt comfortable enough to dress up. I'll dress up in places where I feel safe (the university, the NAC) but I've never felt safe enough to do it at a con.
I don't even attend cons anymore. I used to go out to local events, and frankly, I was stared at, hassled, and generally made to feel uncomfortable. (Don't get me started on creepy otaku, the reason I don't use my middle name in public any more.) I think I even snuck out of one or two events, trying to keep someone from seeing me leave so they wouldn't follow me home. Think that's just me? Read the geekfeminism post on worst con experiences or take a look through other people's bad con experiences and you'll realise I've gotten off light. The local 501st joke about how many times someone grabs their butts when they're out doing their thing... they think it's funny, but most of them are wearing body armour, so it's hard to be really offended. Small wonder I wasn't jumping at the opportunity to put on a metal bikini and join them.
And let's just say that stories like "EA puts sexual bounty on the heads of its own booth babes" haven't inspired confidence that things are changing.
But I was trying to be positive here. So let's talk about PAX.
PAX is the Penny Arcade Expo. Now, I admit I'm not a huge fan of Penny Arcade, but some friends convinced me to go (with the aid of a time-travelling robot, but that's a longer story). So I did.
You most definitely don't have to be a Penny Arcade fan to enjoy PAX. It's a huge gaming convention -- tabletop rpgs, computer games, board games, card games, video games, rock paper scissors in the hallway... if you like playing games at all, you'd find something to enjoy here.
But that's not what surprised me. What surprised me is that PAX feels like a huge community of people who you'd actually like to have as friends. There were people about exchanging cookies for donations to child's play. People brought their families. You could turn to any stranger next to you in line and say, "Hey, want to play a game?" and you'd quickly find something to try out, and possibly a new friend. People didn't get that cranky in lines, because they found ways to have fun. There were so many women about that I never felt out of place. On the second day, I even dressed up in a low-cut tank top and skirt I usually wear for dancing, just to see what happened, and nothing did. I felt as safe and comfy as if I were hanging out with my local friends, even though I was on a show floor with thousands of other people. If someone had told me this before I went, I would have said they were crazy, that they just weren't noticing the bad stuff, but the fact is, I wasn't noticing it either. And I'm pretty attuned after years of bad experiences.
At PAX, I didn't even have to think about being a girl. I was just a gamer, a geek. And that was more than enough.
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no subject
Date: August 11th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)Jamie/kafkonia
no subject
Date: August 11th, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: August 12th, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)Jamie
no subject
Date: August 17th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: August 11th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: August 11th, 2009 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: August 11th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: August 12th, 2009 04:29 am (UTC)(As a fellow female geek, I have always felt very safe at GenCon and haven't had any problems at Origins or at Geekkon, in my home town. When I occasionally encountered a poorly behaved individual the rest of the folks around me were just as horrified by their behavior as I was. I'm definitely not trying to deny the validity of your experiences; I'm just curious why mine differ so much.)
no subject
Date: August 12th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)However, I can pretty much guess why yours differ so much: How unusual do you look? I'm biracial, and unless I make an effort to hide it, it leads even regular people to stare at me a little too long, to ask me weird questions out of the blue, etc. In every day life, I just deal, or sometimes enjoy messing with people's racial theories. It's part of who I am.
But when the effect is magnified by people who just aren't very socially adept, it can lead to some unpleasantness... Let's just say that my particular ethnicity seems to be a fetish target for a lot of very scary people. When you combine that with the effect of just being a girl geek at all, the reactions can quickly get unmanageably bad. And darned if you can tell these people they're being creepy-borderline-racist when they're fawning over you.
inauthenticity
Date: August 16th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)I forgive it from brown people*, some of whom want to know if I'm One Of Them (sometimes, yes). But for some reason it's just extra special when white people* do it. I mean, if I had a parent from Sweden and a parent from Russia, I'd still be just as much a child of immigrants, but I doubt I would get this as much. I have to resist the temptation to ask them where THEY are *really* from...
But I am a patient soul and realize that they haven't thought it through, and/or are well-meaning usually.
Asad
*Yes, I recognize the irony of using these crude labels.
Re: inauthenticity
Date: August 17th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)I deal with them by playing the "who's been here longer?" game. I can usually win using my visual minority side alone. Usually at this point, you can see the gears turning.
And if they still don't get it, after I've won the game I can always launch into the "damned immigrants, why don't you go back to your own country and leave the jobs for honest Canadian folk?" rant. It's kinda a sledgehammer I don't like to use, because as you say, these people are well-meaning enough, but delivered with a huge grin it can be a funny and memorable educational tool about who's really an immigrant.